I came home Wednesday night and slept until 11:30am. Yes, 11:30!! Fortunately the kids were at Joy School and then with Melissa until Adam picked them up after work. I spent most of the day laying in bed watching "Lie to Me" on Netflix and alternating Zofran and Ativan for the nausea. The day feels like a blur! And the craziest part of this all is everything LOOKS like a blur! My eyesight is actually fuzzy. And maybe it's my head feeling a lot of pressure, but it's hard to focus my eyes. Lovely chemo.
Today Adam and I decided to give the kids a break and just let them watch TV and hang out all day while I laid around the house with them. They've been missing me and had a hard time being at different people's houses everyday. And now they're going stir crazy! Adam set them up with breakfast and a movie before he went off to work and I was able to sleep in until 10:30 before Evan came in and jumped on me! We've spent the rest of the day putting on makeup (yes, all three of us), opening a package from my mom (and eating the chocolate chip cookies in it), and watching silly cartoons. It's been an incredibly lazy day but I feel exhausted!
I've been feeling extremely fatigued- as in, walk up the stairs and have to sit down to rest at the top. Nausea, it's manageable but it's there. Fuzzy head and headache. And there's a film covering my mouth and lips, yeah, it grosses me out too! But you can't see it, I can just feel it. Supposedly that's from the chemo killing off the fast growing cells and can cause mouth sores so I'm trying not to brush too hard or eat stuff that will hurt my mouth, like pineapple. And food is gross. I think I've said this before, WATER is gross. Is that weird or what?? It tastes so bad, but I know I need to drink it to flush out all the chemo, but every time I drink it I feel a little sick. Awesome.
I start Neupogen shots today to start building my neutrophils so I don't get infections and I am taking 3 different pills to keep away viruses, fungi, and something else I can't remember right now... I've also got three different kinds of anti-nausea pills, sleeping pills, and a light pain killer for when the Neupogen shots start causing bone pain. Is it a wonder I feel a little fuzzy??
I hope I'm not too depressing!! I want to list my side effects of the chemo both for my own reference and anyone else going through this regimen but hate feeling like I'm depressing anyone who is reading this. Sorry if you're depressed!! :)
I've loved all the emails, calls, texts, visits, and the package getting out of chemo! It's great to know people are caring for me and my family!
You are NOT depressing! And it can be very theraputic to write/talk about how you're feeling. I can't even imagine going through what you are and trying to take care of your kids at the same time. You are such a wonderful example to them and to all the rest of us! I hope your fatigue, fuzzy vision, mouth film(!) and nausea can subside soon. What yucky side effects. :(
ReplyDeleteTessa, I admit I've been blog stalking you for a few months because I pretty much think you're incredible! I saw what your buds at USU did and I'm bummed I don't live there anymore because I totally would've come to that! You're an amazing person and I hope you're doing well on this crazy road to health that you're on. You're optimism is infectious and my prayers are with you, girl! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful Tessa, hang in there! I wanted to let you know that with Trav's last drug he had really bad mouth sores for the first year or so. They were pretty painful, but we discovered, after many different home remedies, that a natural drug called el lyzene really helps. Once he started taking it they stopped completely. See if you can use that compatibly with your chemo.
ReplyDeleteStill praying for you!
Oh, sooooooooooo sorry that you aren't feeling too great! :( I am so glad that you have this blog so that you are able to vent your honest feelings...don't worry about depressing anyone because you have every right in the world to vent how you feel. Wow. You truly are amazing! Your kids are so lucky to have you as their mom! I bet that they loved putting on makeup with you! Hang in there! I so admire your strength and optimism amidst such difficult challenges. I pray for you daily!
ReplyDeleteTessa you are sooo strong! I've been thinking about you a lot lately! It is definitely okay to say how you're feeling! I admire your example of strength. Hang in there! Lots of prayers going your way!
ReplyDelete-Lindsay Danielson Francom
You're not depressing. You're honest. And besides, how can we know how to help you if you don't share what's going on. I had mouth sores for years after chemo. I only found one thing that helped. It is the doTerra On Guard whitening toothpaste. It has a few different essential oils in it that have stopped my mouth sores in their tracks. I used to have about 1 a month and they'd last for 3 weeks for the past 5 years. I've been using this toothpaste along with my regular toothpaste (some of each on my toothbrush). It even numbs my mouth a little. If you need me to get you some, just message me on FB with your address. I get it from my friend Pam who owns Valhalla Salon and Spa. Or if you know someone out there who has a doTerra membership or business, even better.
ReplyDeleteWhat a good idea! I didn't know doTerra even made a toothpaste, but I love their oils. Thanks for the recommendation!
DeleteTessa, I'm so sorry you have to be so sick :( Thank you for posting what you're feeling. I've never really known anyone in the throes of chemo, so it's good to know who awful it is, make sense?
ReplyDeleteEmily Nielson
I have a question. Did you have any severe itching with your cancer at age 16 and when it came back did you experience itching?? My daughter had it at age 26 and itched really badly just to be told it was a folicle infection for nearly 8 months and was put on anitbiotics so when they finally found what it was she was stage 3B. It has been gone for nearly 5 yrs and she has had one child and is pregnant again now. Just was wondering what signs you had the first and second time around.
ReplyDeleteI did not have itching any of the 3 times, though I know it is a common symptom of HL. My symptoms were pretty typical, you can read all about them if you want to look into it that much on this blog post: http://tessascancerjourney2.blogspot.com/2010/11/events-leading-up-to-cancer-discovery.html. I have heard (so it is by no means FACT) that pregnancy after having HL is thought to be a possible trigger to start HL again. The main symptoms I should have noticed were fatigue and chest pressure, but I thought a lot of that had to do with having two kids! I'm happy your daughter beat it, hopefully she'll stay clear but make sure she gets those yearly scans! Just in case :)
DeleteThank you so much for posting this. I'll be starting Hyper CVAD in about a month. (They have to remove my tumor first and then I need to recover from that.) I've been searching high and low for first-person accounts just like this. Please keep it up and good luck to you!
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